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  John A Candela

Date of Birth: February 23, 1959
Department: NASDAQ Over the Counter Institutional Stock Trader
Position: Senior Trader

John is my hero, my lover, my best friend. He has shown me not just how to love, but how to love intensely. He has taught me how to be happy for others and how to say, I’m sorry when I’m wrong. He is a man of integrity, very generous of heart and a loving father and husband. He has shown me what the word “family” means, as he has always put us first. I am so proud to be his wife and the mom of our two beautiful children. I look forward to our eternity together where I know we’ll continue to be as one in God’s love.


Elizabeth A. Candela, Wife
  • I haven’t seen John since I was about 4 years old and he was 5. I have photographs of my visit to New Jersey during that time. The photos are of John (I knew him as “Johnny Boy”) and I playing. It’s hard to look at his photograph with his two beautiful children and read the loving letter written by Elizabeth, his wife, and relate it back to these baby pictures. When I was in NY visiting four or so years ago, I wish I had looked you up. Know that you are in my prayers.
    With Love,
    Laurie Buckley

    Laurie Buckley, cousin
  • John Candela is the brother of one of my best friends, Joe. Johnny worked with and knew my sister Rosanne, who was also lost working for Cantor in the World Trade Center on 9/11.

    My sister spoke very highly of Johnny, with very good reason. If my friend Joe is any indication, his brother John was and shall always be a great man. His family is always in our prayers, and the support we share is a blessing.

    John’s wife, daughter, son, mom, dad, brother, sisters, extended family and friends should be extremely proud of him.

    We know that God often takes home early those He deems most worthy and needed in his kingdom. Let us not forget Johnny, his goodness, and the fact that God chose him and all our other loved ones to be with Him.

    Matt Lang, Family Friend
  • John was just a little boy the last time I saw him. My heart was so touched when I saw his picture with his two beautiful children and read the letter Elizabeth had written. What a wonderful man he had grown up to be. My love goes out to Elizabeth & children, Phyllis & John, Valerie, Karen, Joanie, & Joe, and all the family. I pray God’s strength and peace for you all. I love you all.

    Judy Tolley, cousin / godmother
  • at the rising of the sun and at its going down…
    at the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter…
    at the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring…
    at the blueness of the skies and the warmth of summer…
    at the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn…
    at the beginning of the year and when it ends…
    as long as we live, he too will live; for he is now a part of us as…
    when we are weary and in need of strength…
    when we are lost and sick of heart…
    when we have joy we crave to share…
    when we have decisions that are difficult to make…
    when we have achievements that are based on his…
    as long as we live, he too will live;
    for he is now a part of us as…
    We remember him

    John and Phyllis Candela, Parents
  • Dear Elizabeth,

    You do not know me, I am Jimmy Martello’s wife. Jimmy worked with you husband. I met your husband one day after coming home with Jimmy on the Path train. John was also getting off in Harrison. On the way home Jimmy spoke well about your husband. He said that he too would be going to the Shrewsbury office and that you like us were thinking of relocating down south. We moved to Rumson in the last week of August. Two weeks before the attack. I was so looking forward to meeting you, and I have even contemplated calling you, but I did not know if John had ever spoke about Jimmy. Jimmy had only worked at Cantor for a few years, before Cantor He had worked at Bear. I thought this was a much better way to say hi. I believe in first impressions and your husband seemed like a great guy. After meeting so many wives since this has happened, I can’t believe all the great guys last were ripped away from us. I just wanted you to know that even though we never met I think about you and your children, as we mourn our beloved husbands.
    Sheila Martello

    Sheila Martello, Jimmy's Wife
  • Johnny Can’t Dance – WE MISS YOU!! Bert talks about you everyday. We can’t believe that you are not here with us.
    We know that you are with the BIG GUY – GOD. You are loved and missed greatly. Johnny Can’t Dance -may you live in the love of the people who knew you. May your heart always know our love. Bert and I send you a billion hugs and kisses. There’s not enough room in Heaven to hug and kiss you. We miss you Johnny-Can’t Dance! We love you. May your spirit always shine on your family and friends.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you today and forever…
    Bert and Peggy Chappell
    LA Office

    Peggy and Bert Chappell, friends and co-workers
  • John and I were best friends at an early age — 7 – 12 years old and, even though he and I lost touch over the years, Elizabeth’s description of a good man, a family man, a happy man also describes my memories of my old friend. I remember John as full of energy and a bit of the devil (as kids are) always exploring something new. John got me interested in the guitar and he and I learned our first “licks” together (it was the old surfer song, Wipeout). I’m so happy John has a loving family and i send my deepest sympathy to them.

    Steve Cowles

    Steve Cowles, Childhood friend
  • We met three years ago and clicked immediately in ways both profound and childish. We found laughter, warmth and mutual respect in our friendship.
    John was a devoted husband and father. John knew that the true meaning of life was in the love he shared with Beth. I have no doubt that he died as he lived, fulfilled in the love that he had for and from his wife and children. In that regard, he was a lucky man.
    Michael recently said that John would be completely devastated if he saw the pain and suffering that Beth, Juliette and Johnny and his family are living through. Michael’s words struck a chord with me as he captured the very essence of John. John would take your pain upon himself if he could, just to see you smile. He was a light in every dark space. He was a protector.
    John is an inspiration to me as a person, a friend, a brother. I still talk to him, tell him funny anecdotes, listen to music with him, imagine him saying, “What’s up with that?” to every bizarre encounter in my life. Every memory brings me a smile. I know that you live on and that your spirit blesses and watches over our lives at every moment. I know that we on earth have a potent advocate in Heaven. My family will carry your memory with us every day that we live. Thank you John. At the end of our lives we pray that God grants us the blessing of seeing you again in Heaven. In the meantime, we pray that your spirit sustains us all until we meet again.

    Michael and Catherine Andelfinger, friends
  • Dear Johnny,
    I miss you more than words could ever say: Here goes;

    I Heard You Call My Name:

    I heard you call my name when the first plane hit
    The Smoke filled the room but there was comfort in hearing your voices.
    I heard you call my name when my heart was filled with thoughts of you
    I heard you call my name as your cries to GOD filled the air.
    I heard you call my name as days turned into nights and nights into days.
    I heard you call my name as you gathered for Julitte for the day God brought her into this world.
    I was there when I heard you call my name
    I was holding your hand–Hearing your cries–longing to console you–When I heard you call my name–I will always HEAR you call my name

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • LIFE SEEMS TO GET HARDER WITHOUT YOU AND DAD.
    THE LONGING TO SEE YOU, HEAR YOU, AND TOUCH YOU GET STRONGER.
    I HOPE GOD, KAREN AND ALL WHO WE LOVE IN HEAVEN ARE HOLDING YOU AND DAD CLOSE TO YOU.
    WATCH OVER MOM-KEEP HER STRONG.
    I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH,
    LOVE-JONI

    JONI, SISTER
  • John, We miss you so very much. Juliette and Johnny miss you – they want their Daddy to come home, now. It is so inconceivable how hate hurt so many beautiful and innocent people. Our God is true, though, and His love and justice will conquer all evil. One day I will smile in heaven with you as God shows us this very satisfying truth! Until then, we are together, by the power of love. I love you so much – tons! You’re the best! This song reminds me of you…”For all those times you stood by me, For all the truth that you made me see, For all the joy you brought to my life, For all the wrong that you made right, For every dream you made come true, For all the love that I found in you, I’ll be forever thankful – Your’re the one who held me up, You never let me fall, You’re the one who saw me through it all. You were my strength when I was weak, You were my voice when I couldn’t speak, You were eyes when I couldn’t see, You saw the best there was in me, Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach, You gave me faith ’cause you believed, I’M EVERYTHING I AM BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME, You gave me wings and made me fly, You touched my hand and I touched the sky, I lost my faith, you gave it back to me, You said no star was out of reach, You stood by me and I stood tall, I had your love and I had it all, I’m grateful for each day you gave me. Maybe I don’t know that much, but I know this much, I was blessed because I was loved by you!”

    Elizabeth Candela, Wife/Admirer
  • As I look up at the picture that is posted, I look at the man that came to my life, touched it, and left. Although John isn’t here, I do still talk to him, I tell him things that I would in any conversation I would have with him, as if he was here. There isn’t a second, in anyday that I don’t think about him, and everytime I do, I smile. I remember one time, my family and I were having dinner over Beth and Johns, and I brought a friend. During the time period of us getting there and having dinner, my friend and I sat downstairs in the basement talking. John came downstairs and went through each CD he had wondering if we wanted to play it, he went through everything he had that had to relate back to his Mustang, and he pulled out his little cars that he collected. The point I am trying to make is that John would go out of his way and bend over backwards just to see you smile. He was one of the most loving people I know, and still is. I miss John more every day that passes. I still can hear is voice, his laugh, and 4 words he would say to me when he called “This is John Candelllaa”, and that will never leave me. I believe that in your life, you find someone so special, and so caring, that you are almost amazed. For me, that was John. Althought I only knew John for 2 and a half years, it was the 2 and a half years of knowing John that I will remember and cherish forever. I miss you John, and I always will.

    -Victoria Andelfinger

    Victoria Andelfinger, Friend
  • Has it been one year already? It seems like a lifetime ago that you were taken from us and just yesterday that we last saw you smile. You would be so proud to know that Beth, never having failed your memory, fights daily to go on, to be strong, to honor your legacy of love and try to ensure that Juliette and Johnny have happy lives. She is the most remarkable woman that I have ever met…though you always knew that. Juliette is so beautiful. She is a little lady and Johnny is more a little man every day. You and Beth “done good”.
    We miss you John. Victoria and I say “John Candela in the house!” when something reminds us of you. You’d be surprised how many little things do! John says that sometimes he hears you talking to him. He dreams of you often and says that you are always happy in his dreams. Michael and I miss your friendship dearly. This summer was especially sad without you. What an impact you have made on our lives! You were always so real in such a fake world. We will never have a closer friend.
    Though parted from us, you live on in all of our lives, now and always.Pass the word to God to please bless your family and give them strength on your one year anniversary in Heaven.

    Michael and Catherine, friends
  • I worked with John in NY in ’99 and then spoke to him daily from the Boston office from then on. I always remember him being one of the first guys in everyday and was always in a good mood, and always happy to see you or talk to you. He was just such a great guy that made you feel like he really was happy to hear from you. I can only imagine the heartache that your whole family must be going through. It is so hard to face this horrific tragedy, to accept that all these incredible people were taken in that violent way. You are all in my prayers.

    Ryan Quinn, former co worker
  • Dear Johnny-
    I just neded to tell you how much I love you and miss you. Thinking of you puts a smile on my face and tears in my heart for the longing to see you and hear your voice. Julitte and Johnny sent a ballon to heaven with a message to you I hope you got it. I love you and I miss you. Thanks for all the hearts and 33’s. Love Joni

    Joni, Sister
  • As I look at this beautiful picture while writing about my brother inlaw, I still can’t believe it’s real. My John was not only a great man but a beautiful caring and loving father and husband. One who gave my sister the pot of gold, filled with every one of her dreams;that he made come true. Two beautiful little dreams who now cling to her and long for thier daddy. She is blessed in many ways as John would say “We have our family”.A family that will keep him in the present and never let those memories fade. A family who will give my sister Elizabeth the love and security that everything will be okay. A family who will love Juliette and Johnny,like John would want us to,TONS!! I miss you and love you Johnny tons.I wish everyday you were here with us. Our conversations through god are just not the same. May God keep you in the palm of his hand ’til we see eachother again.

    In your loving memory,
    Mari Che Cha :)XO

    Mari Davis, Sister-inlaw
  • I will never stop missing you. There is not a day that goes by without wanting to hear your voice and longing to see your face. I miss you and love you.
    I too will never say goodbye.

    Joni, sister
  • It’s Johnny’s B-day. He is such a great little boy. Mommy said Alex reminds her of you. I feel so bless in knowing that. Juilette reminds me of you. I guess we are even. I love you. Happy St. Patty’s Day. Valerie came to the sight yesterday. We love and miss you so much. Beth is doing great but I guess you know that.

    You are always in my heart. I love you-Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Well I can’t believe that almost 4 year have past. I still miss you as much today as I did the moment we lost you. Juilette’s b-day is coming up. She is one beautiful girl and Johnny is a man,man. Thanks for all your wonderful signs they kept getting us through. And thanks for my b-day present. I love you and miss you like crazy. Say hi to Dad and Karen. Love you Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Happy Thanksgiving. I don’t know if I ever really thanked you for all the love and support that you gave to each of us. Mostly thanks for the music. I miss you so much I just don’t think I will ever stop wanting to see you and get one of those great hugs. I love you. Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    It Christmas Eve and another year without you. Chris took the kids into NYC to go skating as he has done for the past four years. We all miss you so much. If we could only go back to share one last Christmas together. There will always be a spot for you at my table. I love you very much and not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts and in my heart forever.

    Merry Christmas. Love your sister, Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,
    It is September 11. 2006, 5 years since we lost you. I miss you so very much. My heart hurts. I see you every day in someones smile or laughter or in the love all of the family has for each other. Until I see you again, I will miss you always.
    Love Karen Ann

    Karen Ann (Kar), Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Words cannot express the sadness, heartache and longing I have for missing you. In the movie City of Angels there is a line in the movie that is true. I will fit it to how I feel about you. I would rather have been apart of your laughter, love and friendship for a short period of time then to live an eternity without it.

    I love you and miss you more than I can say
    Your sister Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • February 5, 2007

    To My Loving Brother John,

    Is there ever a right way to begin —

    Don’t think that because it’s been 5 ½ years and I have not posted anything to you — it doesn’t mean anything other than my heart has been torn into shreds—and I haven’t known how to begin — I am incomplete without you. I love you so much.
    There is not a day that goes by Johnny — it is so lonely and empty here without you —
    Our worlds have changed forever.

    You know John I hurt for so long without our first Karen my (our) sister and my playmate —
    I just could not — would not — think of ever losing any one else in our family — the thought was unbearable — unthinkable — the love that holds us together is undeniably so powerful. We prayed religiously everyday throughout Mom’s pregnancy for a brother and our prayers were answered. First you John and then our brother Joe — what an unbelievable family — how blessed were we and Mom and Dad continued their family after our first Karen died at the age of three — Mom & Dad in their 20’s could have given up — but they didn’t because of their special love — stronger than ever, united as one — always there for one another no matter what.
    John, Phyllis and their five children Valerie, Karen, Joni, Johnny and Joey.
    “The Candela Family” at 67 Sunset Glen Ridge.

    So many memories and that is what I hold on to.

    I think of Mom & Dad, that day on September 11th 2001 — how devastated—helpless—hopeful — the hope dwindled and the sadness and pain grew knowing you were no longer with us. Not being able to hear their son’s voice, to feel one of your hugs, to watch you grow old with your own family — the heartache was unbearable. To all, they were a pillar of strength — their focus as always was selfless — Their focus was Beth, Juliette and Johnny and their well being — because Mom and Dad love them so much and because Mom and Dad love you so much. How can a parent deal with such pain? Each of us put our pain second to Beth, Juliette and Johnny – willingly because we too, love them so much — You know how much Beth loves you John, — Beth makes sure she keeps you alive with Juliette and Johnny and she is doing a great job raising the children — I am sure she still looks to you for advice.

    Joey misses you John — You know John, Joey always looked up to you with so much love, respect and admiration. It hurts me to know how much Joey misses you. We all talk to each other looking for comfort — sharing a dream about you or our favorite numbers. Joni has all of us on the alert for all the 33’s 59’s 42’s 23’s 333 — Heart shapes that pop up in a piece of petrified glass or in droplets of water on the shower door, songs out of nowhere that let us know you are there. Karen is most active with preserving the dignity and integrity of sacred grounds and memorials for all those who were murdered on September 11 2001. Karen, Joni, Joey and I are devastated without you. There is a hole in our hearts that will not mend until we see you again. We stay strong and close for each other and for the future of our families and we continue to keep you alive, everyday in our hearts, in our souls, in our minds and in our thoughts. We are one. We are from the same love. We love you so much! We will always keep you alive.

    Thank you John for the twist of fate — you know the story — you are responsible for letting Shawn Blakeslee cross our path. We are sure of that. Shawn shared with us the conversation he had with you the morning of September 11th 2001 and how you had your sense of humor that morning unaware of the magnitude of the fate of that day. Shawn also spoke of the level of respect he had for you professionally and also as a friend.

    Your nieces and nephews have felt your special presence during some of the milestones that have taken place in their lives over these past five years. They all miss you terribly.

    I know that Joanne Tommy and Chris miss you as we do.

    Michael is heartbroken I see his pain in missing you and I see his pain in missing me. Michael kept us intact Mom Dad & I, as we took that very long drive from Noank CT to Glen Ridge NJ on September 11 2001. Michael is the love of my life, he is my soul mate and the better part of my heart and soul. He is my purpose — and that is why I could not even imagine how Beth and all those soul mates that lost the better part of their heart must hurt. It is unfathomable.

    And then to lose our leader our mentor our Dad —Daddy — John — JC – Poppy, only five short months after losing you. Dad hurt so much — he was beside himself without you. It pained Dad to see the emptiness in Moms eyes, it pained him to see Beth, a young wife and Mother of your children. So he reached out to Beth and provided guidance the best he knew how. You know Dad, his first priority and passion was Mom and All of his family – We never had in-laws – We are One Family – Dad looked at his son’s wives as his daughters and at his daughter’s husbands as his sons. He provided motivation, inspiration love and mental stimulation to all of his family. His second passion was “The Market” — in the financial markets trading bonds, institutional sales all of his life, and he Loved it. You and Joey followed in his footsteps and he was so profoundly Proud. Dad always believed that a person could achieve anything if he put his mind and heart to it – Dad was a very intelligent self made man “Our Hawk” – who had so many successes – most of all his Family.

    Mom is an unbelievable person – Mom’s inner strength is like no other person I know. As you know she always calls you her “funny man”, because you always brought her so much happiness – Love you Johnny – Mom Loves you so very much. She was always so proud of you and all of your accomplishments. Mom’s love is like no other love – so pure and unconditional. We all know how much Mom hurts without you and Dad—Mom misses Dad the love of her life – she doesn’t share her deepest thoughts – she remains strong for all of us and she Always says “She is so Blessed”. We should all take a page from Moms loving and generous heart. Mom continues to be our inner strength.

    John, every person who shared just a moment with you knew you were a very special person, because you lived life and you embraced it. John, I know you are with us everyday. I feel your presence and I see you in all that is good. You have always been inspirational – big dreams that you made come true – never stopping – never giving up at what could be obtained and achieved through hard work and dedication. From the moment you picked up a guitar and self taught by sound and touch you were connected to an endless world of opportunity – because it is instinct – it is believing. You had it all and so did we, by having you. John, you are so special to me and I love you and miss you with every breath that I take.

    You know that safe place – when we’d all call each other during a snow storm to see that everyone was home safe with their families – You and Dad are not home and I no longer feel safe.

    Johnny, you took me for a ride in your new Mustang convertible when you moved your family to Glen Ridge – and you took me to a place that was so surreal – it was just you and I bombing the Ridge as we Ridger’s would say – you had the music blasting and we went to a place where all time stood still,… and we were kids again.

    John today is your birthday and I wrap up my heart and give it to you. I love you my brother John — Johnny, you and I connected forever!

    Your loving sister,

    Valerie

    Completed February 23 2007

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    There is not a day that goes by…
    It is so lonely and empty here without you.

    John, you lived life and embraced it. You had it all and so did we, by having you.

    Johnny, you took me for a ride in your Mustang convertible, Ridgewood Avenue, music blasting, just you and I, and we went to a place where time stood still…it was so surreal… and we were kids again.

    John today is your birthday and I wrap up my heart and give it to you.

    I love you and I miss you.
    Your loving sister, Valerie.

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    I have thought of you often, as I always do. I miss you so much. I see your face in so many wonderful creations in the world and in all the children.

    I still turn to you for guidance and strength. I now understand the relationship you had with mom,it is the same kind of relationship I have with Alex. You were very special to her. You had a connection, a link. I look into my sons eyes and see that wonderful spark into his sole. The same spark you always had. I feel so lucky you have no idea. I am so glad that you are living on not only in your own children, but in all of ours. I love you Johnny.

    Love,

    Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    What can I say,tomorrow is the family celebration for my big birthday. I can’t believe that you and Dad won’t be there. My heart will be empty and heavy from missing you both. I will look to the heavens for one of you signs to let me know that you are with me. I love you and miss you every day. Christopher uses your number in everything he does. Johnny the world is an empty place without you in it.

    All my love,
    Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johny,

    Thank you for the “pennies from heaven”. I knew you would never miss my birthday.

    I love you,

    Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    I wasn’t quite sure how I would spend the sixth aniversity of 9/11 so I thought I would spend it writing to you. I wish you were here with all of us. You just can’t imagine how much we miss you and how sad we are. Not a day goes by that I don’t look to the heavens and ask why. I still wish that you would some how just come home. You know I think that I will wish that until the day I die. What can say Johnny-Ilove you.

    Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,
    It’s New Years day 2008; another year without you.I miss you John more than ever. I sit here with your picture of you hugging me. Joni just shared her dream of the hug you gave her and how she could feel your hug. You always had the best hugs. You know there are times when Michael hugs me and I feel that they are your arms around me.
    I love you and will miss you until we meet again.
    Your loving sister Valerie xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,
    Happy Birthday John. I wish you were here! I’d like to celebrate another year with you. I can only hope that when you are in my thoughts that you are able to connect and know how much you are loved by me. I think of you everyday! I miss you everyday! I love you and wish you were here. I know you will always be in my heart and I know you are watching over us.
    Catch my Kisses…Love you Valerie
    February 23, 2008

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Hey John
    I miss you!I miss you as much as the first day you were taken from us.I know you are in a better place, but I continue to be so sad.
    Every single day I think about you.
    I feel so empty without you in my life.
    I Love You Johnny…Forever!
    Valerie
    May 29, 2008

    Valerie Speller, sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    What can I say but I miss you. I have been thinking of you often, as I do everyday. I saw Phil Cocco today sitting outside of his house and recalled when you and him shared a house and how you fell in love with Beth.

    So many wonderful things have been happening to all of us. Stephen and Adrienne wedding, Alex’s confirmation, him wearing your shoes taking your name. Christopher’s graduation. I looked for you and Dad and I knew that you were there somewhere.

    I love you so much and still cannot believe that you are not here with us. Keep sending your messages Johnny. I love you always and forever.

    Your loving sister,
    Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny, 2008

    Well tomorrow will mark 7 years and I cannot believe it. You know today as I do every year on September 10th, reflect that it was the last day of your life here on earth with us. Who knew that would be. It truly never gets easier. Time just passes and the longing to see you and feel your great hugs and hear your voice say “love you be safe” is still so incredibly strong. I still cannot believe that you are not here with us. I am still so sad and there is such a deep hole inside of me that will never be filled. I don’t know how mom does it everyday. Christopher is away at school and I can’t bear not seeing him. Oh well! I guess I just have to accept what is. I will miss you for the rest of my life here on earth. But I do know that you are always with me and for that I am grateful. I love you with every ounce of my being. I know that you are always there for me and I am always here for you. Your sister forever, Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • seven years . . .seven candles still lighting your way . . . seven hundred million prayers later & the needle on your turn table placed, as you left it – you were so proud of that needle! your loss still silencing and yet deafening – even now as each day brings new facets to what was actually lost. the pain slow & torturous – fighting the consumption through love – still the greatest gift, by far that we could ever receive on earth – thank you. there lies peace and hope – you never stop teaching me about God’s love. thank you – I love you tons!

    Elizabeth Candela, Wife
  • Dear Johnny,

    Thank you for hearing my prayers. I am surrounded by your love everyday with hugs of so many hearts I cannot count them all. Thank you.

    Michael is my greatest gift, I cherish every moment of every day for the love we have.
    Our journey together has taken us to so many wonderful places we called home. We have always been grateful and now we are blessed and very happy to be home. In our home. So, I thank you my dearest brother John for hearing my prayers.

    Another marked moment without you. Another Christmas, without seeing you, hearing your voice calling my name. Your smile, yours hugs, your laughter are so very missed by me. There is a whole in my heart without you. I love you John, and I miss you terribly. I believe that years are like a speck of sand so in no time I am certain I will see you again.

    Thank you, John, Dad, Karen and all of our angels, for hearing my prayers.

    Love you Lots
    Catch my kisses. xxxxxxxxxx
    Valerie
    December 2008

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Well it’s 2009 and you would have been 50 this year. You know it is so strange that even though 7 years have passed, the realization that you are gone hits me so hard. There is such a void and emptiness that cannot be explained. You know on Christmas I still was hoping that some how there would be a miracle and you would come home. I guess I will never stop hoping. I love and miss you more than words could ever express. I know that you are always with me and for that I am truly grateful.

    I love you. Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,
    Fifty years ago today…our prayers were answered…a brother…a son…a friend. We were all so overjoyed. I was 5 1/2 years old when you were born and as I reflect on your birthday…I remember I made you a small headdress with one feather out of construction paper…this token from me to you was to celebrate the birth of my new baby brother, John. (We still have it). I have since learned the spiritual significance of the feather in the Native American tradition…The Golden Eagle Feather was a revered possesion that instilled great respect among the members of the tribe and retained a prominent place, not only in the Four Sacred Rituals, but also in the Native Indian headress worn at such ceremonies. The Eagle is a messenger to the Creator. With the Eagle Feather the Creator is honored in the highest.
    I honor you everyday…especially today to commemorate your 50th birthday.
    I hope you can feel my love for you. I hope I loved you enough when you were here. Our moments are so precious, and at the end of the day that is all we truly have, the moment. I cherish the moments we shared and I miss you! Terribly!
    I know you are in my heart forever…
    I love you Johnny.
    Happy Birthday.
    Catch My Kisses XXXXXXXXXX XXX
    Valerie
    February 23, 2009

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Tomorrow will mark the 8th year that you were so cruelly taken from us. The sadness and the pain never goes away. The longing to see you, hear you and touch you are as strong today as they were 8 years ago. Time does not make it easier, it just strengthens the bond of love that I have for you. You are forever in my thoughts, prayers and heart.

    I will miss you for a lifetime and longer.

    I love you tons,

    Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    It has been 8 years since you were taken so tragically from us. The days pass by and the longing to see your face, hear your voice and hug you are as strong today as they were 8 years ago. Time does not make it easier it only strength the bond and love I have always felt and will continue to feel for you. I will love you forever and miss you for more than a lifetime.

    I love you tons,

    Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • Hi John,

    Another summer has slipped by; another September 11th has passed, another holiday season without you. Time just seems to be like running water through my fingers.
    How on earth has eight years gone by so quickly? For me, I feel like time has stood still. I reflect daily on what life used to be, life before 9/11. Having you here, having Dad here and feeling complete. We stay close, we move on, but we remain empty here without you. We have pictures scattered around the house, we are all growing old while your picture remains the same: just as it does for our first sister Karen.
    I hear your voice through your children. Labor day this year we were at Joey’s and we were looking at family photographs. Johnny and Jules were so happy to listen to stories we told, about them, you, and Beth. Then we sat in the sunroom and I knew it was you when Jules said “Hey Aunt Val, Wow…Look there is a hummingbird perched in the tree…I didn’t know they perched for so long”. I know that was your voice! Remember the last time we spoke September 9th, 2001, I told you, Mom and I were watching the hummers and they were perched and you said no way…I said, you will have to come up for a visit with your family and see for yourself. Through your children I hear your voice!
    This year on September 11th, Mom was unable to attend any ceremonies as she was having a blood transfusion; her counts were down with the Lymphoma. It rained all day and Mom said the rain represents all the tears for all the lives lost, as she sat reflecting on how very sad she is without you and Dad. That night Beth invited all of us to your house.
    That was the first time since 2001 that we were all together in your home on September 11th. As I walked through the house, my mind stepped back in time, to that night. We all had held one another and cried. Beth had left the light on for you, in hopes that you would soon be home. But that never happened. There we were, all united, together once again, eight years later. I was very happy Beth had all of us over; it means a lot to be together. We stand united as a family as you would expect and as you would have wanted. John, you are missed as you were the very first day. We thank God we have each other to stay strong.
    We are coming up to another Christmas. As I sit here, I reflect on that very first Christmas without you. Dad was so torn apart; he had Bocelli blaring through the house at 67. I caught a glimpse of Mom and Dad holding each other devastated at the loss of their son. I miss Dad so much. Dad had so much wisdom and he is no longer here to share that wisdom. Mom is so lonely without him. I thought we would watch them grow old together. So sad!
    Soon we will bring in a new year, the days will pass, the events will continue, September 11th will come around again and we will miss you as we do every day!

    I Love You Johnny!
    I miss you so much!

    Merry Christmas 2009

    Valerie

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Hi, I am Juliette Candela and I am 15 years old. As I watched the parent trap the other day, there was a line that hit me. In the movie when Annie (the english twin) meets her father for the first time she can’t stop calling him dad after almost every sentence. When he asks why, she replies that she missed calling him dad. I know when I see my dad for the first time he is going to have to ask me why I can’t stop saying dad and ill just tell him exactly! And I don’t think he will mind at all. I wish that my dad could be here and see my brother and I growing up. As I read the tributes I realized that my father was a pretty amazing man. I don’t remember much about him but I know he was the best dad in the whole world. I have gotten to know much about him by reading these stories and it means a lot to me. Thank you.
    I miss you daddy and I love you daddy -Juliette

    Juliette Candela, Daughter
  • Dear Johnny,

    Shortly after I woke up today, I went online to Cantor’s memorial site, I scrolled down the page to see if there were any new entries; and I read the most beautiful moving note from Jules. Wow! I sat quietly and read her note to you and then I read it again and again. How very powerful. I know you are very proud of Jules and Johnny as well.
    We too are very proud.

    Johnny, I will continue to share my thoughts and feelings. Especially now that I know it benefits Juliette and John to know that much more about their Dad and what a very special and dynamic man you are.

    Catch my kisses.
    Love You and Miss You.
    Valerie

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    When Michael & I were visiting our family in England this year, Christine showed us Mum Speller’s nursing notes and in the book of notes was one of Mum’s favorite poems.

    Quiet Corner by Patience Strong

    If you hold on long enough
    and keep your courage high –
    Some where in the sky…..
    If your prayer is strong enough
    to rise to heaven’s height.
    Things will change and somehow,
    Sometime things will all come right.
    If you keep on moving forward,
    though the light has gone –
    With nothing but your faith to guide
    and hope to spur you on –
    In a way that you will not be able to explain –
    You at last will reach the point
    Where life begins again –
    Where suddenly the sun breaks through
    Upon a place where dreams come true.

    When I read this poem I just knew Mum meant it for me to share with everyone. Because those we love and have lost are not lost at all, their love is always with us to guide us and give us strength in our daily lives.

    My love to all of those we love and have lost.
    Thank you all for always being with us.

    I love you and miss you John!
    Valerie
    May 2010

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Today is September 9, 2010 and it has been 9 years to the day that I last heard your voice. Why does it seem like yesterday and why does it feel like a life time ago … why, because I know that you are always here with me, with all of us and yet not seeing you and feeling your hugs for even a moment is far too much to endure … feeling like a life time here without you.

    It all doesn’t feel real, how this could have ever happened. Why, I continue to ask, why. It feels like I continue to drift in and out of reality. It is a feeling of not believing it ever happened and yet knowing only to well how very real and painful it is to know, how real it is…And …. It leaves me empty and sad.

    So many wonderful moments and milestones of achievements have taken place over the years here. Weddings, graduations, birthdays, new homes, concerts, plays, football, guitar playing, report cards, vacations, family gatherings, holidays, phone calls, visits from house to house and a new baby … just to name a few… and it’s not fair…You should be here with us … And … you are not … And …
    I am very sad and very angry … And … so I continue to miss you Johnny!

    So, I continue to ask, Why … and I continue to feel cheated not to have you here with us and I continue and will continue for the rest of my life to love you and miss you!

    I will always remember our last conversation on September 9, 2001 for the rest of my life. Your voice! Your laugh! Your love!

    Love You Johnny,
    Valerie

    September 9, 2010

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Today is September 9, 2010 and it has been 9 years to the day that I last heard your voice. Why does it seem like yesterday and why does it feel like a life time ago … why, because I know that you are always here with me, with all of us and yet not seeing you and feeling your hugs for even a moment is far too much to endure … feeling like a life time here without you.

    It all doesn’t feel real, how this could have ever happened. Why, I continue to ask, why. It feels like I continue to drift in and out of reality. It is a feeling of not believing it ever happened and yet knowing only to well how very real and painful it is to know, how real it is…And …. It leaves me empty and sad.

    So many wonderful moments and milestones of achievements have taken place over the years here. Weddings, graduations, birthdays, new homes, concerts, plays, football, guitar playing, report cards, vacations, family gatherings, holidays, phone calls, visits from house to house and a new baby … just to name a few… and it’s not fair…You should be here with us … And … you are not … And …
    I am very sad and very angry … And … so I continue to miss you Johnny!

    So, I continue to ask, Why … and I continue to feel cheated not to have you here with us and I continue and will continue for the rest of my life to love you and miss you!

    I will always remember our last conversation on September 9, 2001 for the rest of my life. Your voice! Your laugh! Your love!

    Love You Johnny,
    Valerie

    September 9, 2010

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny-I cannot believe that 9 years have passed without you. My heart is filled with emptiness and sadness at the thought of not seeing you. How I wish that that day never happened and you were with us now. I will always feel an emptiness knowing that you are gone. I love you so much-Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Merry Christmas Johnny.
    We Miss you today as much as the first day without you!
    Can’t believe 9 Christmas’s without you.
    You are a part of my day every day!
    I think of you.
    I talk to you.
    I ask for your advice.
    I sometimes laugh remembering something and sometimes I cry for the same.
    Still miss your voice, your hugs, and your laughter.
    It gives me peace to know you are with me in spirit.
    However, it is so not the same.
    Your children are unbelievable Beth is doing such a great job.
    Jules and Johnny are such givers, makes sense being a part of you.
    I know you must be real proud. I know you would want to share in their days here on earth; however we know you are with them ever second of every day guiding them and keeping them safe…you’re their Dad!
    I miss you John and wait for the day when we are together again…
    I love you Lots!
    Your sister Valerie xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx
    Christmas 2010

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • Merry Christmas Johnny.
    We Miss you today as much as the first day without you!
    Can’t believe 9 Christmas’s without you.
    You are a part of my day every day!
    I think of you.
    I talk to you.
    I ask for your advice.
    I sometimes laugh remembering something and sometimes I cry for the same.
    Still miss your voice, your hugs, and your laughter.
    It gives me peace to know you are with me in spirit.
    However, it is so not the same.
    Your children are unbelievable Beth is doing such a great job.
    Jules and Johnny are such givers, makes sense being a part of you.
    I know you must be real proud. I know you would want to share in their days here on earth; however we know you are with them ever second of every day guiding them and keeping them safe…you’re their Dad!
    I miss you John and wait for the day when we are together again…
    I love you Lots!
    Your sister Valerie xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx
    Christmas 2010

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Merry Christmas Johnny.
    We Miss you today as much as the first day without you!
    Can’t believe 9 Christmas’s without you.
    You are a part of my day every day!
    I think of you.
    I talk to you.
    I ask for your advice.
    I sometimes laugh remembering something and sometimes I cry for the same.
    Still miss your voice, your hugs, and your laughter.
    It gives me peace to know you are with me in spirit.
    However, it is so not the same.
    Your children are unbelievable Beth is doing such a great job.
    Jules and Johnny are such givers, makes sense being a part of you.
    I know you must be real proud. I know you would want to share in their days here on earth; however we know you are with them ever second of every day guiding them and keeping them safe…you’re their Dad!
    I miss you John and wait for the day when we are together again…
    I love you Lots!
    Your sister Valerie xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx
    Christmas 2010

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Merry Christmas Johnny.
    We Miss you today as much as the first day without you!
    Can’t believe 9 Christmas’s without you.
    You are a part of my day every day!
    I think of you.
    I talk to you.
    I ask for your advice.
    I sometimes laugh remembering something and sometimes I cry for the same.
    Still miss your voice, your hugs, and your laughter.
    It gives me peace to know you are with me in spirit.
    However, it is so not the same.
    Your children are unbelievable Beth is doing such a great job.
    Jules and Johnny are such givers, makes sense being a part of you.
    I know you must be real proud. I know you would want to share in their days here on earth; however we know you are with them ever second of every day guiding them and keeping them safe…you’re their Dad!
    I miss you John and wait for the day when we are together again…
    I love you Lots!
    Your sister Valerie xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx
    Christmas 2010

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Happy Birthday Johnny. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you or how much I miss and love you.

    Time dulls the pain but there will always be an ache in my heart.

    I truly wish that things were different and that you and dad were here with us. Sharing in all the wonderful milestones that are occurring in all of our lives.

    I do know that you are here around us all the time and for that I am truly grateful.

    I know that when Howie died and I saw that big heart in the driveway, that that was your sign to me that he was finally at peace.

    I love you very much and miss you more that any words can ever express.

    Joni, February 23, 2011

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Dear Johnny,
    Happy Birthday! Michael & I were out to dinner on your Birthday February 23, and of course we raised our glass and as we always do we talked about how much we miss you! We wish you were here! We love you so much. I can only hope you are at peace. You & Dad were very much the same…smart strong personalities, generous loving heart, and did not allow anything to get in your way of happiness. You both lived life to the fullest. Living everyday to the fullest and appreciating the life you have is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and all those you love.
    I am so very grateful for my life my journey has been full of love and adventure. Michael has made my life complete, I love him from the depth of my soul and I cherish every day knowing how much he loves me back. So, we hurt together as one Michael and I as we miss you every single day! We cry together and we smile together hanging on to the memories we had with you.
    Johnny we love you today and for always, you continue to live in our hearts!
    Your loving sister Valerie
    February 2011.
    Can’t believe your last birthday was February 23, 2001.

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Well Johnny, Some how it doesn’t feel natural to celebrate the death of someone but, last night on May 1, 2011 it did!! As President Obama made a speech stating that “OBL” was killed in Pakistan I cried!! My heart heavy and filled with unbelievable hatred all these years still felt the same. The reason why it did is because you are still not here loving us all. I remember when the ’93 bombing happened and what you said to Beth – they’ll be back and for some reason I knew you were right!! Well, now I feel somewhere deep in my soul – the same way…they’ll be back.

    Juliette and Johnny wrote on my face book wall – telling me they love me and I knew in my heart that they were feeling the same way I did. I love you John and miss you something terribly.

    Love you tons from now into next life time,

    Your Sissy in law,

    Mari xo

    Mari Milani, sissy in law
  • Dear Johnny,

    The USA finally got OBL. Shot him dead! I am sure that you all must be celebrating in heaven. I am confident that he is rotting in hell for all eternity. I love and miss you -Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Dear John,
    They finally got Bin Ladin. I continue to miss you John and wish you were here with us. Rachel is finishing her second year in college and Matt and Sarah are graduating this year. Time moves so very fast, but family memories linger with us always. Love you, anne
    May 3, 2011

    Anne Ha'o, Sister-In-Law
  • Hey Johnny,
    I was moved by the overwhelming crowd of people not only thousands of Americans but people from all over the world. I was there today among the crowds, the highest security I had ever seen. Snipers on roof tops, secret service, K9 police, undercover police, CIA, and hundreds of police covering the streets surrounding the WTC…Our President was laying the wreath at ground zero to honor you Johnny and all those who died with you that day September 11, 2001.
    All of us had a purpose for being there my purpose was you my Johnny; I was there for you.
    I miss you. I look at the void where the towers once stood and it chills me every time.
    When I go to the WTC, I walk the streets and imagine you walking the streets. I look around and think perhaps that’s where you may have bought your morning coffee, or where you may have picked up some lunch, or you going into Trinity Church or Saint Paul’s Chapel to say a prayer.
    So, I walk where you walked, I see what you saw.
    Until you and I can walk together again I shall miss you.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.
    I love you Johnny.
    Valerie
    May 5, 2011

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Dear Johnny,
    Thank you for all your hugs.
    Last night I had a dream about you, it was a long time since I had seen you. As always, the dream was very Real. I could feel your hugs. You always seem to know when I need you most. Thank you for your hugs Johnny.
    Love You Lots!
    Valerie

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • Hey Johnny-I was just speaking to Valerie and just has to stop and send you a note. I am so grateful that Juliette has been given the opportunity to read your name. She has grown up to be quite a beautiful young woman and Johnny wow he is just like you.
    This time of year, ever since that horrible day, I wonder if you enjoyed your last few weeks here on earth. You see people think that it is only on 9-11 that we reflect. That is not true. We reflect everyday. We wonder everyday if you were scared, felt alone or if you suffered.
    My heart is breaking. I just want to be sure that you did not feel alone. Because you were not alone we were all there with you. I only hope that you felt our presents and you were not scared. I love you. It hurts just as much today as it did the day you did not come home. I love you-your sister Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Hi Johnny,

    I had the best birthday. Michael surprised me and took the day off and we headed home for a wonderful weekend. Michael is the love of my life…he is my soul mate…my purpose…and the better part of my heart and soul and I could not breathe another breath without him.

    I received beautiful cards from the family that moved me to tears.
    Mom’s call has always been my first call on my birthday and Karen made sure of that this year.

    I felt your presence all day and knew I would get a sign.
    I should have known better, you always seem to do things in threes.
    So, not once, not twice, but three times you gave me happy birthday wishes.
    First the fox, then the hummer and then the call to read.

    Thank you Johnny!
    I know you are always with us!
    Love you forever!

    Soon to be 10 years without you…
    I continue to miss you as I did the very first day of losing you.

    Your sister,
    Valerie
    August 2011

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Love can touch you one time and last for a lifetime…

    Ten years since you left your beautiful family, and all of us — there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. You were a wonderful person and I know, without a doubt, you were an amazing father and husband, brother and son.

    I am so thankful to have known you…all those years ago. Continue to talk to us, and to rest in peace, my dear friend.

    Anita
    September 2011

    Anita S. Lawson, Friend
  • Dear Johnny,

    Yesterdays ceremony was so beautiful. There was such a feeling of calm that washed over me when I saw the Memorial Garden. Knowing how peaceful and beautiful it is makes me so happy to know that your final resting place is a place of great beauty and refection.

    The waterfall signifies all the tears that were shed 10 years ago on that horrible day. Those tears keep flowing for you forever.

    I stood by your name until the bell rang to signify the collapse of the North Tower. I needed to be there so that I could be with you at that very moment.

    Juliette has done such a wonderful job in all the interviews, songs and reading your name. She is an incredible young woman. I know that you are very proud of her as we all are.

    I love and miss you so very much it goes beyond pain, beyond longing and beyond words.

    Please keep staying by our side. We will always be with you. I love you-Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Dear Johnny,

    Yesterday marked the tenth year without you.
    As always it is so very difficult as it is everyday. Michael is the one who helps me through my days by loving me as much as he does and I am forever grateful.

    As you know I was chosen to read this year at the WTC 911 memorial ceremony. I was so happy to be able to pass that on to Juliette. Joey captured Jules on TV reading your name and also Juliette singing at the gala event fund raiser for Tuesday’s Children. Oh my God John, Jules did such a beautiful job. Juliette and Johnny are amazing! We are so very proud of them.

    I waited all day to see Juliette and Johnny…
    I could feel you hugging me through your children…
    especially Johnny…his hugs are identical to your hugs…and so I kept saying to him please give me another hug, I can feel your Dad,Johnny beamed with pride knowing that he is so much like you.

    Joni and Beth said the memorial is beautiful and very peaceful. With that said may you rest in peace John.

    I miss you and love you so very much!
    Catch my kisses.
    Valerie

    September 2011

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • Hey Johnny,
    It’s me again, your sister Val…
    I am sad and I am missing you and loving you at Christmas and always!
    Please catch my kisses & hugs.
    See you in my dreams.
    Love you always!
    Valerie
    xxxxx xxxxx xxx
    December 2011

    Valerie J Speller, Sister
  • Oh my what can I say….I am so sad reading all of these messages – I’m so sorry for what has been lost and stolen from you all. John is obviously a wonderful person who is so very missed and still so very clearly a big part of his family’s lives. Peace to you all, Tracey XXX December 2011

    Tracey P, Passer By
  • Hi Johnny,

    It was so hard to tell Juliette and Johnny about Mom. Jules is so sad and missing you so much. Johnny has a great outlook of life and death.

    I truly do believe that when mom is ready you, Karen and Dad will be there to greet her.

    Please watch over Johnny, Juliette, Beth and Mom. Help Juliette and Johnny get through this and ask God to take mom before she suffers.

    Beth said she asked you where you have been. Why she hasn’t felt you around her or had dreams about you. She told us that that night you came to her and said that you were with mom because she needs you now. I believe that is true. Hold mom close, keep her safe and please be there when she leaves us. I know you will take care of her.

    I love and miss you so very much-

    Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Hi Johnny,

    It was so hard to tell Juliette and Johnny about Mom. Jules is so sad and missing you so much. Johnny has a great outlook of life and death.

    I truly do believe that when mom is ready you, Karen and Dad will be there to greet her.

    Please watch over Johnny, Juliette, Beth and Mom. Help Juliette and Johnny get through this and ask God to take mom before she suffers.

    Beth said she asked you where you have been. Why she hasn’t felt you around her or had dreams about you. She told us that that night you came to her and said that you were with mom because she needs you now. I believe that is true. Hold mom close, keep her safe and please be there when she leaves us. I know you will take care of her.

    I love and miss you so very much-

    Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • Hey Johnny,

    Tomorrow is your birthday and I have been thinking about you as I do everyday. It still seems so unreal to me that you are gone.

    I miss our talks when we were young, our basket ball games (around the world I guess I was a pretty good stand in big brother to you). I miss Sunday dinners at mom and dads, the kids being out back playing. I miss them being young but most of all I miss you.

    Happy Birthday Johnny-I love you-Joni

    Joan Brady, sister
  • To My Dearest Johnny,
    I miss you everyday. I often ask myself where is Johnny?
    Then I remember only to fast that you are no longer here physically…However, I know for sure that you are here everyday throughout the day with each of us spiritually…through all of your continued signs of 33‘s 59‘s or in hearts…just recently on the beach in Paradise Island there you were with me when I found the heart shaped petrified glass…or in a dream where you are hugging me…
    and it’s very real…thank you so much…
    it’s what gets me through my days here without you.
    I love you and miss you…can’t believe it’s been 11 years since I heard your voice.
    Hope to see you in my dreams.
    Love you Forever,
    Valerie
    September 9, 2012

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • JC, OTC L.A. Thx for the memories – working with you, “Tiny”, Steven Genovese and the gang was great. Rest in Peace my man, you’ll never be forgotten and may God bless your wonderful children. Always!

    J.R., Co worker
  • To My Dearest Johnny,
    I miss you everyday. I often ask myself where is Johnny?
    Then I remember only to fast that you are no longer here physically…
    However, I know for sure that you are here everyday throughout the day with each of us spiritually…through all of your continued signs of 33‘s 59‘s or in hearts…just recently on the beach in Paradise Island there you were with me when I found the heart shaped petrified glass…or in a dream where you are hugging me…and it’s very real…
    thank you so much…it’s what gets me through my days here without you.
    I love you and miss you…can’t believe it’s been 11 years since I heard your voice.
    Hope to see you in my dreams.
    Love you Forever,
    Valerie
    September 9, 2012

    Valerie Speller, Sister
  • Well Johnny tomorrow will mark the 12th year since you were taken from us. I miss you so very much with each passing day. You must be so proud of your children. They truly are remarkable. Jules is so talented. I know that she is happy knowing that your passion for music is hers as well. She is following her dream. Your son has your personality, a warm compassionate,loving funny young man. He too will go far in the path he will chose in his life. Beth is and continues to be a very strong force in their lives. I guess that is just one of the reasons that you married her. You will forever be in my heart as your blood flows through my veins. I love you Johnny and miss you deeply-Your sister Joni

    Joan Brady, Sister
  • To My Dearest Johnny,

    Forgive me for not writing for a while.

    Today marks the 14th year that you were taken… stolen from us.
    Every year on September 11th we attend your funeral and it is heart wrenching!
    I think of you everyday. I long to hear your voice, your laughter…see your smile, look into your eyes to see that you are happy…feel your hugs…share your tears…make memories together…dance to your music…have dinner…exchange stories…enjoy life together…but that was stolen from us and I am reminded every single day.
    Johnny, I love you with all of my heart and soul. I look at Juliette and Johnny and I see you, I hear you, I laugh with you…even their hugs are your hugs.
    They are amazing! They are You! God Bless them and God Bless Beth. She is the pillar of strength.

    I also see you in all of your nieces and nephews, gosh John, they miss you terribly.
    We all miss you terribly! I look at Joey and see you and Dad. I look at Joni and Karen and see Mom. Gestures…smiles…tears…laughter…conversation…”Candela”!
    We are truly blessed to have each other’s love and support which I cherish.
    I thank Mom & Dad for giving us each other.

    Through the strength of God and having each other we continue to make memories.
    So much has happened in 14 years. Weddings, babies, celebrations, birthdays, holidays, graduations, and throughout all of those milestones all of you (our angels) are forever present. We see you in rainbows, sunrise, sunsets, in nature, in beautiful birds, in signs of numbers and hearts, lots of hearts, or an overwhelming feeling of one or all of our angels presence. We live on in each other. Forever united.

    In January 2012 the doctor told us that Mom’s treatment was no longer working. That the non-hodgkins lymphoma had returned and Mom was given up to 12 months to live.
    In Mom’s true form she “lived” for 12 months. During those last weeks and days leading up to her death Mom continued to teach us about life and our eternal life with God. I have never experienced anything more sacred in my life. Mom was saint like, she touched so many hearts. Our days are empty here without her as without you and Dad. Another hole in my heart.

    It all started when I was 2 years old when our sister (first) Karen at the age of 3 had died, she was my best friend. I lived in fear that those that I loved would one day die. I have learned since then that no one truly dies, they live in us forever. I believe that Karen has been with me everyday and has guided me throughout my life. My days are filled with wonderful thoughts and memories of all of our beloved angels. Just yesterday while talking to Joey I was quoting Dad (See Dad we always did listen to you). Last week Joni and I were talking about Uncle Larry. When I go to a farmers market I think about Poppy and what great fun we had during our summers as kids growing up with all those fresh vegetables. When Karen & Tommy came to visit… Karen and I were talking about Skinny and how she only bought the best quality food for us. Aunt Jean such a devout catholic…thanks to Aunt Jean we learned at an early age to say novenas. I was talking to Michael the other day about Grandma Dorothy’s wisdom, her kind heart and the best cuddles ever. She loved us so much and we loved her back. What a great balance we had with our grandmothers. Skinny and Dad are responsible for my love of NYC which I am so grateful for. Grandma Dorothy was kind and wise. Mom is Mom the most Special and Amazing Lady I have ever known! Dad taught us so much, he too had so much wisdom. He is one of the smartest men I have ever known! I thank God to have been blessed to have Mom & Dad as our parents.

    We now face another challenge, and that is my health. I am fighting everyday! and I know you are fighting with me. I feel the spiritual presence of God and all the Saints along with all of our angels especially You, Karen, Mom & Dad.
    I try to embrace everyday with prayer and hope. I try to wrap my arms around every moment. Life is so fragile. Every moment is special. I am so blessed to have Michael by my side, he is my soulmate. I thank God for him everyday! Michael is fighting the fight with me every minute of every day. I am so grateful to have such a lovely husband.
    I pray for Michael and our family everyday as I know this burden is difficult for them to bear. I am grateful to God for the team of doctors I have and pray that God continues to give them guidance. I know that one day God will call my name, but for now I pray for quality of life for many more years with my Michael here on earth. Michael and I spend our days loving, laughing, crying, sharing our lives together. We are living life.
    Life is truly a gift and I am blessed to have my Michael by my side. Life is good!
    May God continue to bless my Michael and all of our family.

    My Johnny I love you with all of my heart and soul. I miss you like crazy.
    Thank you John for continuing to watch over us.
    I feel your presence and your healing hands.

    Hugs & Kisses to You Karen Dad Mom and all of our angels!

    Your loving sister Valerie
    September 11 2015

    Valerie Speller, Sister
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